waiting for growth

The paper chain is shrinking. The whole purpose of the chain was to symbolize to the kids the countdown till when we go home.

It turns out, the chain has been more for my benefit than for theirs. The first six weeks of this TDY flew by. I loved everyday of it and I felt as though the kids were really benefiting from being here. I feel as though I've done a complete 180 this past week. Suddenly, the little things are starting to get to me. I'm tired of paying to do my laundry, I'm tired of having to use a swipe card everytime I come or go, and I'm tired of feeling as though the walls are closing in on me. I'm just ready to go. The problem is, we still have one week left. Monday morning I wasn't sure if I'd make it till the end. I was seriously debating heading home with the kids and just throwing in the towel here. Feeling discouraged, I took everyone over to a local park to play. Shortly after we arrived, someone else pulled into the parking lot with several kids. Immediately I felt more discourgaed. The last thing I wanted was to feel obligated to talk with this lady while our kids played. And, knowing my Sam, I knew he'd introduce himself before they even got in the gate. She unloaded her kids and then went around the other side of the car and got out an infant carrier. As she set the carrier down on the bench she commented on how she'd waited so long for the baby to be born, that she missed the chance to take advantage of how easy travel was without an infant. She wanted to be out of the 'waiting' period so badly, that she missed the things that are found only in those periods of waiting.

I'm in a waiting period right now. I am anxious to go home but I have to wait. The time has not yet come. This is a frustrating place to be and I find myself here often. Whether it's waiting for a baby to be born, waiting for test results, waiting for that wretched 4-7pm time frame to pass (you know that time when everyone's crying and hungry and you've run out of activities and just want to look at facebook), or waiting for the days on a calendar to pass, I've come to see how waiting does have a purpose.

Last night I read a quote from Henri Nouwen that said:
"There are a lot of good things that can be said of parenting a child, but the greatest gift you can give your child is the gift of you being a growing person yourself"

And what better time to grow, then during this waiting period. This thought has transformed my thinking as I wait out my last week here.

Rather then focusing on when we can leave, I'm trying to focis on what the Lord might want to teach me, or grow in me, during this circumstance in my life. God is always at work in our temporal circumstances to bring about his eternal purposes. As I wait, I feel my convictions are being strengthened. I've heard it said that people respect people with convictions. You may get tested and challenged for your beliefs and behaviors, but overtime if you are consistent people may not agree with you, but they will respect you. I really believe that God speaks through our life circumstances. My immediate season is one of real waiting. Waiting almost to the point of complete bordom (serioulsy, how many times can you go to a park and watch to make sure your 18 month old doesn't fly off the bottom of the slide, or, pretend that you really are amazed at your 5 year olds so called 'x-ray vision'). I crave the social interaction of my girlfriends at church or having a cup of coffee with my neighbor. I miss my friendships deeply. But in this season of waiting, the Lord is whispering things to me that I might not otherwise have heard in the chaos of my life. And that whisper could quite possbily get drowned out again in the days after we return home. And so, I wait(to be back home with child locks) -- hoping that obvious growth is taking place in the process that my children can see and model.